FHM Final Countdown

’9 Ways You Know You’ve Had a Good Night Out (Without Actually Remembering Anything)’

1) Lost keys – explains away the sore back and hemorrhoids the next morning, having been found curled up on the cold stone floor outside your front door at 4am.

2) Facebook pictures of you and a girl you don’t recognize – she has the same long blonde hair and red dress of the girl you thought you spent your night with…but the face is completely different?!

3) Hangover Poo – whether its your voddy-jobby or your beeriod, an agonizing and hard fought hangover poo is a sure fire way of determining that the previous night was top class.

4) Having your texts and calls ignored – no idea what happened last night? All your friends ignoring you today? Probably safe to say you made a tit out of yourself – and had a great time doing it.

5) Barred from the club – turning up to the same club the same time the following week – the bouncer steps across in front of you ‘Not tonight bud’….’why?’….'you know why mate, now f**k off’ – this followed by the dejected walk home, absolutely none the wiser.

6) Empty Wallet – this is not just to say you have no notes left, this is to say that your wallet is nothing but a shell of its former self. Every last copper, even that 2 Euros you had left over from holiday, gone. Your blockbuster card, gone. Your drivers license, gone. Oh no, hold on whats this…..a receipt from ‘Jason Donner-Vans’ kebab shop for £25. Shit.

7) One Eyebrow – excessive drinking is prone to making us sleepy and sadly it is then that you are at your most vulnerable. Oblivious to the sound of a hair trimmer coming towards you, the only other worry is what the trimmer had been used for previously?

8) Napkin with a number on it – So maybe I did pull a bird last night?! The number has the correct number of digits so hopefully its not fake?...and then you read the name...who the hell is Kevin?

9) Some new furniture – whether it’s a traffic cone, an advert for buy one get one free Cathedral City, or it means those pulling out at the local road works no longer know they need to ‘Give Way’ – who cares - it now makes an attractive center piece in your living room.